


oh you know how i feel when you set me free (like a nightmare)

by blackrose1002, BlackVultures



Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, But not in the fun way, Choking, First Kiss, First Time, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Nightmares, Pining, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Praise Kink, Self-Esteem Issues, Strength Kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-14 22:08:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29053392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackrose1002/pseuds/blackrose1002, https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackVultures/pseuds/BlackVultures
Summary: Before he knew what he was doing he was flying out of bed and grabbing his jeans, yanking them on and not even bothering with a shirt or shoes. He ran through the apartment, grabbing his car keys on the way by, and then he ran down the staircase and through the parking lot in the pouring rain before he got into the GTO. He had one objective: he needed... he needed to see Mac.Because Mac was alive... right?(AKA Jack has averyvivid nightmare post Kovacs, and then there's feelings and smut.)
Relationships: Jack Dalton/Angus MacGyver (MacGyver TV 2016)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 105





	oh you know how i feel when you set me free (like a nightmare)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! We're back! I figured it's been a while since I posted a oneshot, so I dusted this one off for you! **This was written sometime after Season 3, so Jack lives and Kovacs is one dude.** As always, any mistakes are mine because I put this together, and let us know what you think! Enjoy! <3
> 
> (Title is from "Like a Nightmare" by Motörhead.)

If Jack Dalton knew one thing, it was that Cairo was always bad.

And unfortunately he’d spent a lot of time in a city that’d been nothing but a constant death trap—even before Mac, he’d run through many Egyptian streets. And after their first two forays into Cairo together and those near-death experiences, he was always terrified that this was where everything would end for him... but not for Mac. And he didn’t know how it happened, because one minute Mac was next to him, and then the next minute he was on the ground... and the blood, God, there was so much _blood_.

“Hey, hey, Mac, stay with me,” Jack said with a shaky voice, kneeling by Mac’s side and trying to stop the bleeding, but goddammit, there were too many bullet holes in him and Jack didn’t have that many hands. Panic surged through his entire body and he forced his hands to stop shaking, but he didn’t know what to do. “It’s gonna be fine, you hear me?” he choked out, tears running down his cheeks.

Mac just blinked at him slowly and coughed, blood bubbling in the corner of his mouth. “J-Jack,” he rasped out, giving Jack a weak excuse for a smile, as if he... like he knew what was coming. “D-Don’t.” The people who shot Mac seemed to have disappeared, but Jack didn’t care about them anyway. If they wanted to reappear and shoot him they could go right ahead, because if he lost Mac... if he lost Mac, nothing would matter anymore. “Jack, i-it’s okay,” Mac said around another burble of blood, and those long-fingered, clever hands moved to cover Jack’s blood-soaked ones. Those bright blue eyes went dim, and no, this couldn’t be happening, not to Mac. “Not... y-your fault.” His gaze slid away from Jack’s face, tears sliding down his temples and mingling with the growing lake of blood underneath him. “Mom?” he whispered, and then... then he was gone.

Jack was completely still for a moment, staring into Mac’s blue, empty eyes, and all he heard was white noise. “No,” he whispered, moving his hands to Mac’s neck and frantically searching for a pulse even though he knew it’s pointless, there was no life in Mac’s eyes, he was... he was gone. “No, no, no,” he started sobbing, cradling Mac’s body in his arms and pressing his face to his bullet-riddled chest, the world suddenly losing meaning. “No, Mac, please, come back to me,” he sobbed, feeling like someone ripped his heart out. “Please, _Mac_ —”

~***~

Jack woke up with a scream, the sound ringing in his ears and bouncing off the walls of his bedroom.

He was drenched in cold sweat, and he started feeling his hands for the stickiness of blood. A sob tore its way out of his throat, and he was trembling so bad that he couldn’t even see straight. Before he knew what he was doing he was flying out of bed and grabbing his jeans, yanking them on and not even bothering with a shirt or shoes. He ran through the apartment, grabbing his car keys on the way by, and then he ran down the staircase and through the parking lot in the pouring rain before he got into the GTO. He had one objective: he needed... he needed to see Mac.

Because Mac was alive... right?

It took him a few tries to start the engine because his hands were shaking so badly, but when it finally worked he barely looked around before roaring out of the parking lot. He didn’t care about the speed limits at all as he drove, the image of Mac’s limp, pale body burned into his mind. He had to be alive, he couldn’t be gone, if he was gone Jack was going to... he didn’t even know.

He got to Mac’s house in record time and it was completely dark, the curtains drawn. He didn’t look at the clock earlier, but it was late at night, so the darkness didn’t mean anything wrong... right? After stopping the car in Mac’s driveway Jack jumped out and raced to Mac’s door and tried the knob—locked, Mac finally learned. Without a way to get inside, Jack rang the doorbell and then started pounding on the door with both of his fists. A light came on inside behind the curtains, and a moment later the door swung open.

Mac stood on the other side, a baseball bat held like a weapon in both hands—not surprising considering the amount of nighttime visitors Mac had that had turned out to be bad guys, plus Jack was pounding at his door like a lunatic. His eyebrows rose, confusion appearing on his face. “Jack? What are you doing here? It’s three in the morning.” When Jack didn’t respond right away, just stood there and stared with his hands outstretched, Mac frowned at him, letting the bat hang down by his leg. “Hey, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”

Mac wore sweatpants and a soft-looking t-shirt that was too big on him and he looked... so soft, but more importantly, he was _alive_. He was alive, he wasn’t bleeding, but Jack was most definitely not okay. So he just shook his head as a loud sob ripped out of him and he took a few steps inside, crashing into Mac and wrapping his arms around him.

Mac dropped the bat on the floor with a clatter and returned the embrace, staggering back a little with the force of Jack walking into him. “Jack, you’re scaring me,” he said, fingers resting lightly on the rain-drenched muscles of Jack’s back. “You’re also only half dressed... and not wearing shoes? What’s going on?”

Jack couldn’t speak, couldn’t force out words. He just buried his face in Mac’s hair and sobbed again, one of his hands running up his spine to cradle the back of Mac’s head. He was kind of aware of the door slamming shut and he figured Mac must have kicked it closed, but it didn’t matter. All that mattered was that Mac was warm and solid against him, he was breathing and moving, and _alive_.

But even despite that Jack couldn’t shake off that paralyzing fear, so after a moment he started running his hands over Mac’s body, frantically checking him for injuries. “You’re okay, you’re okay,” he chanted under his breath, not even realizing at first that he was saying it out loud.

“Jack, I’m okay,” Mac agreed, squirming in Jack’s hold like he wanted to do something but wasn’t sure what. “You... seriously, I’m fine.” But when Jack didn’t stop moving his hands all over Mac’s body and repeating those two miraculous words to himself, Mac brought his own hands up to catch Jack’s wrists and still him. He squeezed the joints gently and ducked his head to meet Jack’s gaze, which had been firmly trained on Mac’s midsection (where his shredded flesh and bleeding wounds should’ve been) this whole time. “Jack, man, you’re scaring me. Please tell me what happened?”

Mac’s blue eyes were wide with worry and he started rubbing the skin on Jack’s wrists with his thumbs. “There was so much blood,” Jack whispered, looking at Mac with what he was sure was a wild look in his eyes. “So many bullets, so much blood. I couldn’t—I tried, but—” Jack swallowed hard, trying to get his breathing under control but failing and he felt his heart beating faster and faster. “It was all my fault, you died, it was all my fault—”

“Jack, hey, look at me.” Mac let go of Jack’s wrists to grab his face in both hands, and if Jack wasn’t on the verge of a full blown panic attack he’d take note of how nice Mac’s wide palms felt on his cheeks. “You had a nightmare, okay? It wasn’t real. I’m fine, we’re both fine. Whatever you dreamt, it didn’t happen. There’s no blood, no bullets.” The look on his face turned sympathetic. “It must’ve been a really bad one to get you over here at this time with half your clothes.”

Jack exhaled shakily and closed his eyes.

A nightmare.

It was just a nightmare, it wasn’t real.

Slowly, he felt his heart slow down and he took a few deep breaths, focusing on Mac’s hands on his face, warm and steady unlike his own that were still trembling. “I... I needed to make sure you were okay,” he whispered hoarsely. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize,” Mac told him, and his hands slipped from Jack’s face to rest on his shoulders. Another smile, this one wider since Jack managed to reign in his fear. He tugged lightly at Jack, moving him toward the kitchen. “And since I doubt you want to go back to sleep, how about some tea?”

And Jack... Jack’s heartbeat ratcheted up again, because the tea thing... that was a trick Jack’s old man used when he had to deal with his own PTSD, and Jack had in turn taught it to Mac when they’d gotten back from Afghanistan. Not trusting his voice, he just nodded and let Mac steer him however he wanted and leaned against the counter when Mac gently pushed him there.

His partner—and the love of his life, his light and sunshine—regarded him for a moment, eyeing him up and down before looking at Jack’s face again. “You’re all wet from the rain, I’m gonna get you some clothes first.”

He took a step back, but before he could walk away, Jack reached out to wrap his fingers around Mac’s wrist. “Hey, you... if you don’t mind me hanging around here, you can go back to sleep. I’m... I’ll be fine.”

Mac arched an eyebrow. “And let you what, watch that Chinese dub of _Die Hard_ and find you speaking Mandarin to yourself in the morning again? I don’t think so.” He slipped out of Jack’s grasp and went into his bedroom, returning a moment later with a sweatshirt and pajama pants. He pressed them into Jack’s hands, then pulled down two big mugs from a cabinet, followed by tea bags, honey, and a bottle of expensive bourbon—the secret ingredient. “You go change, I’ll get this ready.”

Jack felt this warmth spread through his chest and he gave Mac a small nod before retreating to his bedroom and then the bathroom. He was so unstable emotionally that he was worried he was going to accidentally let something slip and Mac would find out how Jack really felt about him. And Jack couldn’t let that happen, he couldn’t lose Mac, not over this, not ever. He changed into the clothes Mac gave him, loving how soft they were and how they smelled like Mac, and then he splashed cold water on his face, hoping it would make him get his shit together.

After taking one last deep breath he walked out of the bathroom and headed back to the kitchen where Mac was pouring hot water into the mugs. He let the tea steep for a moment before adding in the honey and a splash of bourbon, mixing it all up before handing one mug to Jack. It was still raining, so instead of heading for the deck they went to the couch, and once they sat down Jack realized he could feel the warmth coming from Mac’s body, he was that close. They weren’t actually touching, but it was enough to make him swallow nervously.

Mac was quiet for a moment, watching the steam billow up from his mug, and then he asked softly, “Do... do you want to talk about it? The nightmare, I mean.”

“No, not really,” Jack said, not daring look at Mac. “But I... I guess I should? You deserve at least that after I barged in here and woke you up.”

“No, Jack, you don’t have to—” Mac started to protest.

Jack appreciated that, he really did, but... for some reason he felt like he needed to tell him. “We were in Cairo,” he interjected softly, staring at the mug in his hands. “Not _that_ Cairo, it was a different mission... and one second we were together and then... then you were lying on the ground with a bunch of bullet holes in your body. It wasn’t like a machine gun hit you.” Jack heard his voice tremble and wasn’t able to do a damn thing about it. “More like... a bunch of different guns shot you all at once, and there was so much blood everywhere. I got to you, but you were... there wasn’t anything I could do, and you... you knew.” He took one hand away from the mug to rub it over his eyes, which he could feel filling with tears. “You told me it wasn’t my fault, and then... then you saw your mom, and you were gone.”

Mac slid closer until their thighs were touching. “I’m sorry, Jack,” he murmured, squeezing Jack’s knee, and it took all of Jack’s self-control to stop himself from leaning in and kissing him senseless. “That sounds... awful. But, Jack... one thing your nightmare got right? Not your fault, man. I need you to know that if anything ever happened to me... it wouldn’t be your fault, I’m sure of it.”

Jack looked at Mac and saw nothing but wide-eyed sincerity, and it made him let out a shuddering sigh. “I know you believe that Mac, I do... but I’d have a hard time believing it myself. I’m supposed to protect you, that’s literally my job.” His voice cracked, and he had to take a minute to compose himself, staring down at his mug of tea and bourbon like it was going to tell him the secrets of the universe. “I can’t... if something happened to you, it would destroy me,” he admitted in a low voice, and he was _this close_ to telling Mac _why_ but he _couldn’t_. “I could feel it destroying me in that dream.”

He took a sip of his tea to stop himself from talking and he sighed a little when he swallowed the warm liquid down his throat. It tasted amazing, just as it was supposed to, but he still felt rattled and shaken up, and he knew Mac could tell. “Jack,” Mac said softly, pressing their legs together even more and god, he had no idea what he was doing to Jack. “I know what you mean, if you... if anything happened to you it would kill me.” Jack looked up again, surprised, because... he never considered Mac being that affected by him getting hurt. “But right now I’m okay.” He sighed a little and squeezed Jack’s knee again. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

Jack smiled, and it felt a little lopsided but he was trying for Mac’s sake. “You’re already helping,” he said, and with his free hand he squeezed Mac’s forearm gently, made sure not to reach for his hand like he desperately wanted to. “Thanks, man.”

“No problem,” Mac replied... and he didn’t move away, staying pressed up against Jack’s side as he reached for the television remote. “So, what do you think is on at this time of night? It’s been a while since once of us couldn’t sleep and we were in the same place.” He was referencing the nights Jack spent at Mac’s while he was searching for an apartment in LA and they were both dealing with nightmares.

“I don’t know, dude,” Jack said as they both made themselves comfortable on the couch, Mac still right next to him. “Sports reruns? Telenovelas? I have no idea.”

Mac snorted quietly and started switching between the channels. Eventually they settled on some late night game show and they watched it while joking and making fun of the contestants—also, Mac seemed to know the answer to every question which was the cutest thing ever. They set their mugs aside once the tea was gone and Jack felt all warm on the inside, wearing Mac’s clothes and pressed against Mac...

… and he found himself maybe not dozing off, not yet, but he missed a few minutes of the show here and there. It would be so easy to just slide down a little bit, snuggle against Mac and rest his head on his shoulder... and Jack wasn’t sure, but he had a feeling that was exactly what happened, but before he could do anything about it he let himself drift away, surrounded by Mac’s comforting smell and warmth.

~***~

Mac tried his best to keep his focus on the game show and not on the fact that Jack was asleep against his shoulder and failed miserably. His breath was hot and smelled like bourbon where it was gusting off Mac’s neck, and one of Jack’s arms had flopped over to curl around Mac’s waist. He knew it didn’t mean anything—Jack was _asleep_ , so he wasn’t exactly in control of his body, and he was probably still freaked out from earlier so he was looking for comfort. It wasn’t the first time they’d fallen asleep on each other, but that didn’t make it any easier for Mac to stop wishing that he could put his arms around Jack and hold him in return without it being awkward when his partner woke up.

And speaking of which... Jack was shifting around a little, mumbling to himself. He wasn’t shifting away, if anything he was curling more into Mac and tightening his arm around him. “No,” he muttered quietly, and then his breathing sped up and Mac already knew he was having another nightmare. “Oh god, no, no, Mac, please.”

Mac’s heart broke as his ribs creaked from how tightly Jack was holding him. Gently, he ran his hand up and down Jack’s shoulder and whispered, “Hey, Jack, wake up. You’re having a nightmare.”

Jack didn’t seem to hear him and let out a heartbreaking sob, pressing his face into Mac’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, it should’ve been me, please, come back to me.”

Mac shifted a little in Jack’s grip, bringing that hand up from his shoulder to hold the side of Jack’s face. “Jack, you need to wake up,” he said, louder this time. “I’m fine, I promise, you can—”

Whatever he was going to say got cut off by Jack’s eyes snapping open, and the next thing Mac knows he was flat on his back on the couch with Jack’s hand pressing down on his throat, cutting off his air, and the full weight of his body pinning Mac down. Under another circumstance Mac would be fine with both of these things, but not while Jack was looking at him with fear-clouded eyes. One of his hands was pinned under Jack’s knee, but the other was free, so he used it to punch Jack in the shoulder hard enough that it jarred loose his grip on Mac’s neck.

“Jack,” he managed to gasp, gulping in some air before Jack’s hand was on his throat again, squeezing tightly. He used his other hand to grab Mac’s wrist and pin it down, so that Mac was pretty much immobile. Jack was surprisingly strong for someone who was half asleep and while Mac was not afraid, could never be afraid of Jack, he realized his situation was kind of bad. He struggled under Jack’s weight and he tried to throw Jack off him, but to no avail. “Jack, s-stop it,” he rasped out, blinking rapidly to get rid of the black spots dancing in his blurred vision and he also felt a lone tear roll down his temple.

He wriggled enough to get one of his knees drawn up slightly under Jack’s legs, and he didn’t want to use it but since Jack wasn’t snapping out of it he didn’t have a choice. “S-Sorry, big guy,” he said hoarsely, before using all the strength he had to knee Jack in the balls. The result was instantaneous: Jack let out a scream of pain and fell off Mac and the couch on to the floor, clutching at his crotch and blinking his way back to sanity. Mac, for his part, was relieved to be able to breathe again, and brought a hand up to his windpipe to check for damage before he rolled on his side to look at his partner. “Jack? Are you back with me?”

Jack was curled up on the floor and stared at him with wide eyes full of confusion. “Mac? What?” he asked, his voice laced with pain, and Mac really felt bad about it, but it was either that or letting Jack strangle him. “What did you... no.” Jack’s eyes widened even more as he clearly realized what must have happened and looked at Mac more clearly, eyes fixed on his throat which meant some kind of bruise must already be showing. “No, Mac, what... what did I do?” Jack looked horrified, sitting up and scrambling away from the couch until his back hit the wall near the fireplace.

“You had another nightmare,” Mac said, his voice cracking as his body got used to breathing and speaking again. He sat up too, blinking the last of the spots from his vision. “I think I was dead again in your dream, and when you woke up a little, you must’ve thought I was one of the people who killed me.” He made a face. “That sounds really confusing when I say it out loud.” Carefully, Mac got to his feet and padded over to where Jack’s curled up near the fireplace, crouching down in front of him. “I’m okay, Jack. I wasn’t going to let you strangle me.”

Jack had his knees drawn to his chest, arms wrapped around them and hid his face in his them, whimpering quietly. “I hurt you,” he whispered, barely audible. “I almost... I could have killed you, Mac.” His voice broke and when Mac placed his hand on Jack’s knee, he flinched away. “I almost did, I had you all pinned down, I remember that.” He sniffled a little and Mac realized he was crying. “I should go, I’m... I’m too dangerous, I should leave you alone. Forever. You’d be better off without me.”

Mac’s eyes went wide, and he had to tamp down on the automatic panicked reaction he had at the idea of Jack no longer being in his life. “Jack, you’re not—of course you’re dangerous, but not to me.” When Jack snorted in disbelief and looked away, Mac made a frustrated sound. “You had a horrible nightmare, Jack, for the second time in one night. You’re on edge and scared, but that doesn’t mean I want you to leave. Actually, it means the opposite.” He shifted position slightly, so he was between Jack and the door. “There’s no universe where I’d be better off without you.”

In response Jack just shook his head, glancing up at Mac with red-rimmed eyes for a moment before looking away again. “I’d lay down my life for you, without hesitation,” he said quietly, and Mac felt breathless all over again, this time for a different reason. “And I swore I would never hurt you, that I’d never... let my darkness get to you. Look how well that worked out,” he scoffed quietly, a bitter tone to his voice. “You got lucky this time, but what happens if I try to hurt you again?” There were fresh tears glistening in Jack’s eyes and his voice cracked. “I’m a ticking bomb, Mac.”

“I don’t care,” Mac said, and when Jack’s gaze snapped to him in surprise he shrugged his shoulders as nonchalantly as he could, even though his heart was racing. He wanted to tell Jack the truth about how he felt, but the only way that could end was badly... right? “I’m not afraid of bombs, remember? In fact, I’m pretty good at defusing them.” He reached out again and settled his hand on Jack’s knee, internally relieved when Jack didn’t pull away this time. “And I didn’t get lucky, Jack. I kneed you in the balls—big difference, and I’ll do it again if I have to.”

Jack let out a small sound that could probably count as a chuckle, considering the circumstances. “Anything to get me away from you, I’m alright with it,” he said quietly. His gaze shifted a little and he looked at Mac’s throat again. “I didn’t... I didn’t do any serious damage, did I?” he asked softly, letting his arms drop from around his knees, and his hand twitched like he wanted to touch Mac, but didn’t think he was allowed to. “Does it hurt?”

“A little,” Mac replied, making a face. “I should probably get an ice pack, but I don’t want you to run away.”

“I won’t,” Jack said, his hand twitching again. “If you... if you really want me to stay, I will.”

Mac smiled and pushes himself to his feet, knowing Jack would never lie to him. He headed to the fridge and opened the freezer, grabbing an ice pack and wrapping it in a dish towel before he pressed it to his throat. “Hey, do you want one for your balls? They’re not, like, lopsided or anything now, right?”

“No, I’m fine,” Jack said, raising his voice just enough for Mac to still hear him from the kitchen.

Mac wasn’t sure he was being entirely honest, but decided to let it go for now. He shivered a little from the ice pack and headed back to Jack, not liking having him out of his sight, even though he trusted Jack not to run. Slowly, he slid down the wall and sat down next to Jack on the floor, wanting nothing more than to wrap Jack in his arms and promise him everything would be okay. “I’m not gonna ask you to talk about the nightmare again since I’m assuming it’s similar to the first one,” he started. “But... you’re clearly, not okay, Jack. What... what do you need from me?”

Jack exhaled shakily, rubbing a hand over his mouth and swiping away the tear stains on his cheeks. “I want... I _need_ to tell you something,” he whispered, and... was that _fear_ in his voice? “It’s something I’ve been keeping from you for a long time, because I didn’t want anything to change between us. And once you know, you might change your mind and decide to kick me out.”

“Jack, that’s not going to happen,” Mac said firmly, and he put the hand that wasn’t holding the ice pack on Jack’s arm, squeezing lightly. “You can tell me anything.”

Jack turned his head to look at him and... Mac had never seen this kind of expression on his face. His dark eyes were as gorgeous as ever, but they were also troubled and scared, and Mac didn’t like that at all. Somehow, there was also this soft look in his eyes, and the way Jack was watching him... it made Mac’s heart stutter. “I lied to you, you know,” Jack started quietly. “All these years ago, in the Sandbox, after I surprised you in that Humvee and told you I stayed. I told you... I told you I hadn’t done that for you, that I’d done it for my country. I lied.”

Mac’s brows furrowed. “Jack, what do you—” He was cut off by Jack shifting enough to place his hand over Mac’s where it rested on his arm.

He smiled weakly. “Mac, please just let me get through this? I’ll say my piece, and then you can... you can do whatever you’re gonna do, okay?” He waited for Mac to nod before continuing. “You were—no, you still are—the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever seen. Better than any sunrise, and when you smile at me... Christ, it just about gives me a heart attack. You’re so smart, and funny as hell, and I love everything about you. Not like a friend or a brother, but like I have to remind myself every day that I’m not allowed to kiss you.”

Suddenly Mac felt like he couldn’t breathe and this time it had nothing to do with Jack’s choking him. His heart was racing so fast that Mac was afraid it was going to jump out of his chest any second now. This was... all he’d ever wanted to hear, but he was so shocked that he could only stare at Jack with wide eyes, blinking slowly and wondering if maybe he wasn’t actually asleep and dreaming.

“I know this is not what you expected to hear,” Jack said, smiling weakly again. “And I’m sorry I’m dropping it on you like that in the middle of the night, but I... I couldn’t keep it inside any longer.” He watched Mac for a moment before squeezing his hand lightly and letting go, shifting a little and starting to get up. “I think... I think I’m gonna go. Let you process everything.”

Mac didn’t catch all of what Jack said but he heard the word “go” and felt his stomach drop, because if Jack left now Mac knew he would never come back. So he did the only reasonable thing there was to do—he tossed the ice pack to the side and lunged forward, hooking his fingers in the material of Jack’s borrowed sweatshirt. Before he could overthink it or second-guess Jack’s sincerity, he yanked Jack close and smashed their lips together in a clumsy but earnest kiss. He pressed himself even closer, but he miscalculated a little and used too much strength, so the force of impact sent Jack falling down on the floor with Mac landing on top of him.

Jack huffed out a breath when his back collided with the floor, but he didn’t break the kiss—instead he wrapped his arms tightly around Mac’s waist and kissed him back enthusiastically, like he was afraid this may be the only chance he had to kiss Mac. He made a small sound in the back of his throat when Mac licked over his lower lip and slipped his tongue into his mouth, shifting a little so that his thighs were bracketing Jack’s hips and his bracing his weight on his forearms on either side of Jack’s head.

Mac tried to pull back to breathe, but one of Jack’s hands slid up to hold the back of his head to keep him from going too far. He was able to disconnect them at the mouth though, and panted against Jack’s lips. “I love you too,” he whispered, shifting to rub his fingers over Jack’s short hair. “When you came back instead of going to Texas... before you showed up, I was bending a paperclip into the Delta Force insignia.”

“Am I dreaming?” Jack murmured, looking up at him with disbelief written all over his face. “I gotta be dreaming, this can’t be real.”

Before Mac could reply to that, or maybe pinch Jack to prove him that it wasn’t a dream, Jack was pulling him in for another kiss. It was a deep, wet kiss, with Jack’s tongue instantly sliding between Mac’s lips to explore Mac’s mouth, as if he wanted to get as much of him before waking up. Mac moaned a little when Jack nipped on his bottom lip and then he gasped, because Jack suddenly rolled them over and pinned Mac down with his body weight, settling between Mac’s legs. He continued kissing Mac passionately, his entire body seemingly involved in the kiss as Jack shifted on top of Mac every time his tongue thrusted deeper into Mac’s mouth.

Mac wrapped his arms around Jack’s body and hugged him close as they kissed, loving the feeling of Jack on top of him now that there wasn’t any strangulation involved. He pulled his legs up, bending them at the knees to allow Jack to settle more firmly into the cradle of his hips, nipping at Jack’s lower lip. He slid a hand up Jack’s back and cupped his cheek, rubbing his thumb over Jack’s stubble. “Jack, baby, it’s okay,” he mumbled, moving his face a little to brush his lips over Jack’s chin. “I promise this is real.”

Jack exhaled shakily and moved to nuzzle Mac’s cheek before pulling back to look down at Mac with wide eyes. “I can’t believe this,” he breathed out, turning his head to press a kiss to Mac’s palm. “I never thought... I never dared hope this could actually happen,” he said, watching Mac with that look on his face... like Mac was the most precious thing he’d ever seen. “You... god, why would you want this?” he asked in a whisper, leaning down to kiss the corner of his mouth. His whole body trembled a little, as if he was holding himself back from kissing Mac properly again. “You shouldn’t want this.”

“Why not?” Mac asked, his fingers curiously touching Jack’s temple, then his ear, then the lines next to his eye. He couldn’t get over the fact that he was allowed to do this, that Jack felt the same way he did. He also couldn’t get over how handsome Jack was, especially up close. “Because you’re so dangerous?” When Jack nodded, Mac raised his eyebrows. “Let me ask you something—would you strangle me right now? When you’re fully awake and aware of what you’re doing?”

“Mac, of course not,” Jack said, looking stricken at the very idea.

“Then I don’t think I have anything to worry about,” Mac said, smiling a little and leaning up to kiss Jack on the lips again. “You won’t hurt me.”

He pressed their lips together again and Jack whined into his mouth a little before deepening the kiss just like before. It seemed like he just couldn’t get enough and Mac could definitely relate, so he wasn’t complaining. All of his senses were dominated by Jack and he happily let him devour his mouth, losing himself in Jack’s familiar smell. He ran his hands up and down Jack’s back and with how Jack kept moving on top of him, he felt himself getting hard and hoped it wouldn’t freak Jack out. He just couldn’t help it, not with Jack’s heavy weight on top of him and grinding against him, and not when Jack was kissing him like _that_.

“Christ, you’re so beautiful,” Jack mumbled into his mouth, shoving one of his arms under Mac’s back to hug him closer.

Mac felt his face heat up, because it wasn’t the first time Jack had complimented his looks and it wasn’t something he was used to, but it felt nice. He slipped his hands low, putting them on Jack’s ass tentatively—but when Jack moaned against his lips Mac took it as a green light and squeezed his ass cheeks. And then he felt Jack’s dick slotted up against his, filling with blood just as quickly as Mac’s was.

He inhaled sharply through his nose and used his grip on Jack’s ass to push his hips down and grind them together. He thrusted up at the same time and they both moaned at the friction, and Mac felt like he died and went to heaven. They set up a steady pace, rocking together as they kept kissing hungrily, and it felt amazing. Mac had his feet planted on the floor and he thrusted up rhythmically, meeting Jack’s hips every time he rolled them down and it felt better than Mac ever imagined.

Sparks were dancing up Mac’s spine, each one of Jack’s thrusts against him making him shake. And as much as he loved this, the frenetic pace and the way Jack grasped at him like he was afraid Mac was going to disappear... it wasn’t right, not completely. For one thing, with his back flat on the hard floor and his throat swollen, Mac could barely breathe. So he broke away from Jack’s lips, unable to help but giggle when Jack whined his displeasure and mouthed over Mac’s jaw instead.

“Jack, hey, could we maybe take this somewhere that’s not the floor?” Mac asked, his hands shifting from Jack’s ass to rest on his lower back, fingers rucking up the hem of his sweatshirt to feel his skin.

“Mhmm, what?” Jack mumbled against his neck, his voice distracted. He was nipping on Mac’s skin and his hips were still moving, grinding down into Mac slowly and steady and pretty much driving Mac insane.

“Jack,” he gasped, trying again, but Jack only hummed against his neck and Mac cried out a little when Jack’s teeth sank into his skin harder. Mac was very close to just screwing it all and letting Jack have his way with him right there on the floor, but for the sake of his lungs and wanting to breathe, he forced himself to concentrate and slid his hands up Jack’s back to grab his shoulders and gently push him up. “Jack, babe, as lovely as this is, I kinda can’t breathe.”

Jack’s lust-clouded eyes went wide, and he used his grip on Mac to roll them over, so he was on the floor and Mac was sprawled on top of him. He kept an arm wrapped around Mac’s waist tightly. “Sorry, darlin’,” Jack said sheepishly, one hand moving up to brush the hair back from Mac’s face. He was gorgeous, Mac thought absently, all roguish features and stubbled cheeks. “I got a little carried away.”

Mac smiled a little and touched Jack’s face with his hand, rubbing his lower lip with his thumb. “It’s okay, I was enjoying myself,” he murmured, leaning down to replace his thumb with his lips, and he kissed Jack sweetly, pulling back before things could get heated again. “Maybe we should get back on the couch?” he suggested, nuzzling Jack’s cheek, grinning when he felt Jack’s hands rub down his back before one of them settled on his ass. “Or maybe my bed would be better?”

Jack grinned back and sat up, gripping Mac with both hands and getting to his feet... while holding Mac, who gasped and wrapped his arms around Jack’s neck. He knew Jack was strong, but this was overkill in the best possible way. “You sure about the bed thing?” Jack asked lowly, nosing at the hair above Mac’s ear. “Because once I get you on a mattress I’m not sure I’ll be able to resist fucking you through it.”

Desire spread through Mac’s entire body and suddenly he felt very warm, his heart beating faster. “Who says I’d want you to resist that?” he murmured, tightening his legs around Jack’s waist and turning his head to nip on his earlobe.

Jack growled in response and slid one of his hands to Mac’s ass to grip it roughly and he started walking in the direction of Mac’s bedroom. Apparently he knew Mac’s house well enough to not crash into anything and it wasn’t long before Jack tossed him on the mattress and crawled up on top of him with a predatory smirk on his face. Mac put his hands on Jack’s face and pulled him down for a kiss, passionate and wanting. He’d never felt safer than he did right then, with Jack’s body boxing him in and the mattress at his back. Having a pillow under his head helped with the breathing thing, and soon Jack was breaking away from Mac’s mouth to nip at his jaw before moving lower.

He paused when he reached the bruised skin on Mac’s throat, then pressed a feather-light kiss to Mac’s windpipe. “I am so sorry, baby,” he murmured, and Mac felt his heart crack at the regret in Jack’s voice. “If you ever think I’m gonna do something like this again in my sleep, just... let me wake up on my own, okay? It’s not worth you getting hurt.” When Mac opened his mouth to protest, Jack looked up at him, brown eyes full of pain. “Please, Mac?”

“So what, I’m just supposed to watch you have a nightmare and do nothing?” Mac asked quietly, putting his hands on Jack’s face again and rubbing the skin under his eyes with his thumb. He instantly shook his head when Jack nodded and he drew him down for a sweet kiss before pulling back again. “Jack, I can’t stand to see you suffer like that. If you’re in pain I have to help you.”

Something broke in Jack’s expression and he kissed Mac’s palm. “You know, your big selfless heart is one of your best qualities,” he said, voice trembling just a little, “but damn if it ain’t frustrating sometimes.” He thought for a moment, fingers combing absently through Mac’s hair. “Okay, what about this: if I’m having one of those nightmares, can you just... like, go across the room and holler at me? Or throw a shoe? That way you aren’t in the line of fire but I still wake up.”

“I... I guess I can do that,” Mac reluctantly agreed, knowing they had to find a compromise, because otherwise Jack would keep second guessing his every move around Mac. “Although that won’t work if you’re clinging to me like an octopus while having a nightmare like you were today,” he added with a small smile on his face. “But I’ll figure something out.”

This had gone from frantic, rough sex to docile and sweet so fast that Mac had whiplash—with every other partner he’d had it was one or the other, never both. “I know you will,” Jack said, bringing Mac out of his head and back into the conversation. His thumb dragged over Mac’s forehead before he planted a kiss there. “And, uh, you know that whole fucking you through the mattress thing was only if that’s what you want, right? I’m not that kind of asshole.”

“I know that, Jack,” Mac said with a smile, and god, he was going to melt if Jack kept being so sweet and saying things like that. “But I also meant what I said earlier, about me not wanting you to resist that.” He let his smile turn into a smirk and he wrapped his arms around Jack’s neck to pull him closer and nip on his lower lip. He also spread his legs even more and stifled a groan where their cocks pressed together. “I want this, Jack, so... maybe now that we have this whole nightmare situation resolved, we could get back to it?”

“If you insist,” Jack grumbled, like this was all some major inconvenience, but Mac could feel how he smiled against his lips. Then he was leaning back and Mac made a noise of protest, but it died off when he realized all Jack was doing was yanking his borrowed sweatshirt up and over his head.

And now that Mac knew he was allowed to look, and admire... “God, you’re so fucking hot,” he blurted out, reaching up to run his hand down Jack’s abs, feeling nothing but hard muscle.

Jack smirked down at him and tugged on the hem of Mac’s t-shirt, sliding it up Mac’s body. Mac sat up a little and let Jack yank the shirt over his head and toss it on the floor before leaning down and pressing their lips together. “Well, you’re not so bad yourself, gorgeous,” he muttered before licking his way into Mac’s mouth and kissing him deeply, just like before.

It was a hungry, wet kiss and Mac was loving it, he loved Jack dominance and how good it felt to have him on top of him like that. He wrapped his arms around Jack again, hands exploring his back, feeling out scars and smooth skin in equal measure. It didn’t take long for Mac’s touch to wander lower, though, and pretty soon he had one hand on Jack’s ass again. The other one kept wandering as they kiss, cataloging all the things he never knew about his partner’s body. Jack, meanwhile, had some of his weight braced on one forearm, and the hand that was in Mac’s hair now slid downward, calloused fingers slipping over a nipple before exploring Mac’s side and hip.

Mac shivered a little under Jack’s touch and made a small sound in the back of his throat that was immediately swallowed by Jack. Jack who was still devouring his mouth, and goddammit, he was so good at this, Mac never knew it was possible to enjoy kissing that much. Jack’s fingers curled around his hip bone, squeezing it playfully before his hands wandered lower, fingertips teasingly skimming over Mac’s skin just above the waistband of his sweatpants. In return, Mac slid the hand he had on Jack’s ass under the material of the pajama pants he lent him so that he could grope his ass for real and he was rewarded with a deep groan when he roughly squeezed his ass cheek.

Mac didn’t get to feel triumphant for too long, though, because the next thing he knew those fingers that were skimming his waistband were sliding underneath it and wrapping around his cock. He broke the kiss to gasp for air, eyelashes fluttering a little at how perfect Jack’s big hand felt as it gave him a long, slow stroke. “Oh, fuck,” he moaned, nails biting into the skin on Jack’s back and ass.

This didn’t dissuade Jack in the slightest, he just bit lightly at Mac’s jaw before licking over his birthmark. “That’s it, baby, let me hear you.”

Jack’s voice was low and raspy and somehow it made Mac even more turned on. He moaned again when Jack started sucking a bruise into his skin while stroking him lazily and he couldn’t help how his hips twitched, desperately seeking more friction. Jack, however, kept his strokes deliberately slow and Mac felt him smile against his skin, so he forced himself to concentrate. He brought both of his hands around to tug Jack’s pajama pants as low as he could and while his one hand went back to grip his ass, he wrapped his other hand around Jack’s cock.

“Fuck, you’re so _big_ ,” he whined, but managed to focus enough to stroke Jack a couple of times, loving how Jack’s grip on him faltered and he moaned brokenly. For a while all they did was grunted and moaned and panted at each other, wrapped up in how good it felt to finally be able to touch like they wanted to for so long. But Mac knew that if they kept it up he’d come soon, too soon, so he took his hand off Jack’s cock and grabbed his wrist, stilling the motion over Mac’s cock as well. “I want you inside me,” he whispered, running his other hand up Jack’s spine to cup the back of his head, scratching over his short hair as his tongue darted out to lick over Jack’s lower lip. “Think we can make that happen?”

Jack growled quietly and let go of Mac’s cock, twisting his hand so he was gripping Mac’s wrist instead and he pinned it to the mattress next to Mac’s head as he pressed their lips together in a hard kiss. “I think that could be arranged,” he muttered against Mac’s mouth, biting down on his lower lip before pulling back with a smirk and letting go of his wrist. “Do you have—”

“Top drawer,” Mac cut him off, already knowing what Jack was about to ask, and Jack’s smirk widened.

He kicked his pants all the way down before tugging Mac’s sweatpants off as well and then he reached for Mac’s nightstand. He searched the drawer for a moment and when he found what he was looking for he dropped the lube and the box of condoms on the mattress before blanketing Mac’s body with his own again, both of them groaning when their cocks brushed together. Jack’s mouth was back on Mac’s immediately, taking his sweet time, and then mercifully Mac heard the pop of the lube cap opening. He drew his legs up to give Jack more room to maneuver and moaned wantonly when he felt that first slick finger pressing against his entrance. Even Jack’s _fingers_ were huge, just one enough to stretch him beautifully, and he couldn’t imagine how it was going to feel to take Jack’s cock.

Jack’s lips trailed over his jaw to his ear, teeth scraping at the soft skin just below it. “That feel good, darlin’?”

“Y-yeah,” Mac breathed out, gasping when after moving his finger in and out a few times Jack added a second one. He threw his head back with a moan, hands gripping Jack’s shoulders as Jack pushed his fingers deeper and scissored them, pushing and prodding until they brushed against Mac’s prostate. He whined a little and Jack smiled against his skin before nudging that spot a few more times, causing Mac to cry out a little, his hips rolling down.

“Fuck, look at you,” Jack murmured, lifting his head and looking down at Mac with his eyes dark with lust. “So gorgeous like this.”

Before Mac could react in any way, Jack withdrew his fingers almost entirely only to push them back inside, adding a third finger. “Oh, oh, _Jack_ ,” Mac moaned as Jack moved his fingers rapidly in and out a few times before pressing them against Mac’s prostate... and keeping them there, putting pressure on the spot.

Mac felt his leg muscles twitching, and his eyes rolled back in his head at the waves of pleasure that rolled up his back. It wasn’t enough to get him off, but he almost blacked out at how good it felt. “Jack, please,” he whimpered, sounding pathetic and not caring a bit. He was bruising Jack’s back with how hard he was grasping at him, and made a mournful yet relieved sound when Jack withdrew his fingers and reached for the condoms. Mac let one of his hands drop to grasp Jack’s wrist, and when he shot Mac a questioning look, he said, “We... we don’t need those. I’m clean.”

“I’m... me too, but are you sure?” Jack asked, and if Mac wasn’t so turned on he would smile at how endearing Jack was being. Instead he just nodded quickly, needing Jack to get inside him as soon as possible, and it must have showed on his face because Jack gave him an amused look. He didn’t say anything and reached for the lube again and a moment later Mac felt the head of his cock press against his entrance and he drew in a sharp breath when Jack started to slowly push in. “Easy, baby,” he murmured, mouthing at Mac’s jaw, his hips sliding forward until he bottomed out.

Mac had to force himself to breathe, but it seemed impossible with the insistent pressure of Jack’s cock inside him. It felt... amazing, better than he could’ve imagined... and as soon as his body got used to the stretch, he wanted _more_. He shifted his hips experimentally and they both groaned when it changed the angle, Mac’s muscles clenching around Jack without his input. “You can move,” he said breathlessly, and wrapped his arms around Jack’s neck, biting his lower lip at the first pull and push of Jack’s hips, slow and experimental.

Jack kept the next few thrusts slow and gentle, but Mac could feel his body shaking with want and it was clear he was holding back. “Jack, please,” he whispered, and Jack exhaled next to his ear and his next thrust was harder, knocking the air out of Mac’s lungs. He groaned loudly and Jack shifted, sliding both of his arms around Mac before drawing his hips back and pushing in deep and hard, hitting Mac’s prostate and making him see stars. “Oh god, Jack, yes,” Mac cried out, pushing up to meet Jack’s thrusts.

Soon he was reduced to wordless shouts, because Jack was nailing his prostate on every other thrust and killing all of Mac’s brain cells with the little explosions happening behind his eyes. “You feel so good, baby,” Jack panted near his ear, little groans punctuating each word. “So damn good for me.”

That last part seemed like it slipped out by accident but it set something deep inside Mac on fire, and he raked his fingernails down Jack’s back right before his orgasm hit him like a train... and he actually passed out from it. He was out probably only for a short moment because when he opened his eyes and blinked the darkness away, Jack was still panting into his ear, his hips moving frantically.

“Oh fuck, baby,” Jack groaned deeply, and with one final thrust he came, biting down on Mac’s shoulder and tightening his arms around him, his hips grinding into Mac as he filled him up with his come. Mac moaned softly when he felt Jack’s cock pulsing inside him and his warm come dripping out of him, and he was so spent that his arms slid from around Jack and landed on the mattress, and a moment later Jack’s hips finally stilled and he collapsed on top of Mac.

“Holy shit,” Mac said when he remembered how to speak, voice hoarse from the choking and all the moaning he did. He shivered when Jack unwrapped an arm from around him, but made a pleased sound when he reached down to pull the covers up over their naked bodies instead. He managed to make his arms work and hugged Jack close, pressing a kiss to his temple. “I blacked out for a minute there. I don’t think I’ve ever come that hard in my life.”

He felt Jack kiss the side of his neck before he lifted his head to look down at Mac with such a soft gaze that Mac’s breath hitched a little. “You’re okay, though?” Jack murmured, bringing one of his hands up to brush Mac’s hair out of his eyes, a gesture so gentle and already one of Mac’s favorites. “I... I didn’t even notice,” he added sheepishly. “I guess I... I got a little carried away again.”

Mac chuckled, sliding a hand to Jack’s face so he could pull him in for a kiss. It was little more than a gentle press of their lips but it still made his heart flutter. “I’m fine, Jack,” he assured, smiling a little. “Because beyond the fantastic sex... I haven’t been this happy in... well, ever, actually.” His other hand was stroking up and down Jack’s spine. “You know now that I’ve got you you’re never leaving, right? Like you might as well go and rent a moving truck now that the sun’s up.”

Jack let out a surprised chuckle and leaned down to kiss the corner of Mac’s mouth. “You’re seriously askin’ me to move in with you?” he asked softly, looking at Mac with wonder in his eyes, and Mac couldn’t help but smile widely as he nodded. “Alright,” Jack murmured, nuzzling Mac’s cheek a little before shifting and pulling out. Mac hissed and got kissed again for that, and then Jack was rolling them so that he was lying on his back with Mac snuggled against his side. “I love you so much,” he whispered, burying his nose in Mac’s hair. “And I’ve never been happier either. You’re... you’re the love of my life, you know.”

“I know that now that we actually got it together and talked to each other,” Mac replied, pressing his lips to Jack’s jaw. “God, we’re idiots. We could’ve avoided so much shit if we both weren’t terrified of losing people.”

“A shrink would have a field day with both of us,” Jack agreed, his hand stroking over Mac’s flank. “Good thing I usually lie my way through the psych evals at work.”

Mac snorted and slid his arm over Jack’s middle to squeeze him gently. “So do I,” he admitted with a small grin, and Jack chuckled in response, kissing Mac’s hair. They laid in silence for a few minutes, and Mac felt so warm and safe that he could drift off, but there was something he needed to say first. “Jack? We can lie to the shrinks, but... you know you can tell me anything right?” he asked quietly, and Jack’s hand paused for a second before going back to stroking over his skin. “Those nightmares you had... that was pretty intense, two in one night. Do you... how often do they happen? Are they triggered by something?”

Jack sighed, his hand moving upward to sift through Mac’s hair instead. His nails scratched over Mac’s scalp and the sensation practically made him melt. “I think it was something on the Kovacs mission that got to me,” he admitted, his other arm holding Mac impossibly closer. “One of the guys on the task force got cut down by a bunch of Kovacs’s men when we were chasing him through Beirut... he got shot so many times, and there was no way to save him. I... I held him while he died, even though I barely knew him.”

Mac sucked in a harsh breath and shifted a little to look at Jack, even though it wasn’t easy with how tight Jack’s holding him. “Jack, I’m so sorry,” he whispered, and after a moment of hesitation he threw his leg over Jack’s hips and crawled on top of him. Earlier he found Jack’s weight on top of him comforting and it made him feel safe, so he hoped that maybe he could do the same thing for Jack. “That’s terrible.”

Jack looped both his arms around Mac as soon as he settled on top of him, and he didn’t seem to mind the change in position. “It... was awful. And I think my brain dealt with it by... pushing it away, and then while I slept it came back to bite me by replacing a stranger with you.” He started stroking Mac’s back again, his other hand squeezing at his hip. “And it felt so real, both times.”

“I bet it did,” Mac said quietly, because he knew exactly how real these nightmare could feel. He’d had his fair share of dreams where either Murdoc or recently Mason got their hands on Jack and killed him right in front of Mac, and he wasn’t able to do anything to save him. He rested his head on Jack’s shoulder and snuggled closer, breathing in the smell of leather and gunpowder that was forever etched into Jack’s skin. “I don’t know what to say except that I’m always gonna be here right next to you when you wake up.”

Jack pulled the blankets higher around them, relaxing back into the pillows. He kissed the top of Mac’s head, nuzzling his hair. “And I’m always gonna be grateful for that, because I love you more than anything.”

“Even _Die Hard_?” Mac asked, just to be a shit.

And it was worth it, because Jack laughed. “Yeah, even _Die Hard_.”

Mac smiled against his shoulder and pressed a soft kiss to his collarbone. “So, I know the sun’s coming up, but... what do you say we get some sleep?” As if on cue, he had to stifle a yawn, but Jack noticed anyway. It wasn’t that surprising since Mac hadn’t slept since Jack woke him up around three, unlike Jack who took a short nap before the second nightmare happened.

“Sure, baby,” Jack murmured, and hugged him closer.

Mac realized that maybe Jack wouldn’t be that comfortable with Mac sprawled on top of him. “I should... probably stop crushing you.”

“Or you can just stay put,” Jack suggested, and Mac was a little surprised, but he wasn’t about to argue. “You’re warm, and I’m wondering if maybe... if I know you’re here, maybe it won’t be so bad?”

“Okay,” Mac said softly, and looped his arms underneath Jack’s shoulders. “You won’t hear me complaining. You’re pretty comfortable.”

Jack snorted quietly and when he spoke Mac heard a smile in his voice. “I’m glad you think so.” He paused to yawn loudly and he kissed the top of Mac’s head again before Mac felt Jack grow more pliant underneath him. “Mac?” Jack muttered a moment later, squeezing him lightly. “If I... remember what we talked about. In case... it happens again.”

“I know,” Mac whispered, and he waited until Jack’s breathing changed, shifting into the slow, deep rhythm of sleep. He watched Jack’s face relax, and then settled his head back on his shoulder. He yawned, and then let his eyes slip closed. “Don’t think I need to worry about it, though.”

And he didn’t, because they both slept for hours and only had good dreams.


End file.
